i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
