oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
they need to just BURY HIM!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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