he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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