her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
