she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
