He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
