I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize