Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
