I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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