I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
