u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
