HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
