It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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