Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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