i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
