i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
