A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
