dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
