I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize