i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
