if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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