Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
