Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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