Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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