It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
