Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
