They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
