we're blogging at a bar
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
