If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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