Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
