I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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