her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
