my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
