I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
