Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She's like a pop up book from hell.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The Olympian is in my bed
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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