How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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