just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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