I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize