Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
