I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The ass gains better be worth it
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