Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
