Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
