Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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