i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
