I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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