u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
