I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
