I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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