So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize