I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I love having hate sex.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
