im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
