i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well I just put wine in my tea
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
