yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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