Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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