there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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