I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize