you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Everclear isn't food dammit
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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