maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
