I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
