I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
