News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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