I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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