tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
