I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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