I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
