I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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