just tell him i said nine months
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There are leaves in my underwear?
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