I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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