i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
