My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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